Sunshine

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Sunshine

To my unborn child,

At this point, you are just a thought and a vision

of a future happy,

of a happy future,

where I am your guide

and you are mine.

Together we navigate this world with your father.

We will love you very much and we’ll give you the kind of love we hoped to have as children.

I promise you we want your life to be full of rainbows and butterflies,

and to be full of more happy days than sad ones.

However, before you decide to use me as your vessel you should know,

some days I have more sad than happy.

I struggle with depression and I beat myself up for having depression.

These are all things I’d like to hide from you, but there will be no point, because you will exist inside of me for nine months.

You will know me as well as I know you,

and there’ll be no sense in trying to hide the truth from you.

Sure, I want to eradicate every bit of darkness inside of me,

to shield you from the pain in this world,

but there are variables that will come our way that I have no control over.

When they do, I will do my best to hold you in complete compassion

with safety, love, and nurturance.

I’ll do my best to let you evolve into the person and human being you’re meant to be.

I’ll do my best not to beat myself up for every mistake or life event that hurts me,

or your father,

or your grandparents,

or you.

I will do my best to pray for more good than bad, and to focus on the gifts rather than the setbacks.

There will be setbacks.

I’d like to tell you.

If you choose to use me as your vessel,

I will shield you from setbacks, but living has shown me they can’t be avoided.

Because of this I will be a warrior,

who carries you over every hurdle I can,

and shows you how to find your own way.

I will share my curious mind with you, and I suspect you’ll have one too.

That curiosity will lead you into places that others fear going.

That curiosity will open doors for you that others will never approach or even know exist.

Sunshine,

when it gets dark

and I am struggling

know that your world can still be magical,

your world can still be beautiful,

I promise.

When you find despair

in the first months

in my womb,

don’t let it cloud the humor,

the joy,

and the jokes buried in darkness—

the jokes will illuminate

the lurking shadows—

in your imaginative home anything is possible

with enough dedicated focus.

So, let’s focus on the uplift;

the rise

and

the shine.

Love always,

Danielle Mallett